Round and Round at Donington

Here we go, down Wheatcroft Straight, past the grandstands, tacho pulling 6000rpm, red +8s everywhere. OK, here comes the pit road on the left - time to jam on the anchors - come on brakes, wakey-wakey. 'Struth we're not slowing down much - we're past the end of the pit road, blimey this is a bit quick - well, it's now or never - turn into Redgate, turn, turn - ooh err, we're a bit wide, we're VERY WIDE - we're on the kerb - we're on the grass - DON'T PANIC - keep your boot down - correct the slide - glance in the mirror - Christ it's bumpy, we've shot back on the circuit. Hmm, not quite what the book said but we re gaining on Acklam and Lindsay.

Aha, the Craner Curves, lifting is for wimps so here goes. Crack into 4th, pedal to the metal (not quite apt for Morgans but you know what I mean), right knee against the door, left against the tunnel - now hold on. Acklam's braking - no time for that - time for that dive up the inside at the 'ole hairpin. Out my way Chris we're on a flyer - 'struth he's turning in - Chris, I'm not past yet - ooh 'eck, two feet on the brake - blimey, how would I have explained that one?

Up under Starkeys Bridge, Chris has got past Mary - great - now we've got a crack at a real racer! Mary's held the corner, we'll go wide and keep the power on right up to McLeans. Good move, we've gained on Mary and we're now right up her chuff (if you get my drift). Now the book says at Coppice stay in third, turn in before the brow and power through the curve getting a good exit speed into Starkeys Straight. Well, deep breath, here goes Mary's not turning yet, we're on the limit - WATCH OUT MARY HERE WE COME - crikey, she's turning - got to keep it tight - bang over the kerbing - glance to the left - we're neck and neck - we've got the inside line - hold it - hold it - we're through!

Phew. Now old car, sorry about this but it's time to rev the b*lls off you. Off the dial in third and snatch fourth - but Mary's gaining, she's pulling alongside WHAT? - are +8s allowed to run on rocket fuel? We're neck and neck and the Esses are rapidly approaching. This'1l sort out the woman from the boys - or something like that. Hell, what's this? Looks like a Class A car rapidly approaching. Well, they'll just have to wait - sorry lads, but Mary and I are really getting it together (if you get my drift?).

Now for the showdown. OK Mary go for your brakes. Mary, I said it's time to brake. Come on Mary, brake now . . . PLEASE MARY . . . ooh eck, we're way past braking point, time to turn in. Mary's turning, we're side by side and what the ***&&&£££!!! was that? Nowhere in the book does it say that you can miss out the Esses and go straight through on the grass - well Simon?

RIGHT, LEFT, we're exiting the Esses hard on the power. Hello SIMON - you know there's no line out of the Esses which entails positioning your car perpendicular to the kerb and parking. Where does he get his advice from?

RIGHT - LEFT - we're past and it's a mad dash down the Wheatcroft Straight. Now where's the turn point for Redgate?

The book referred to is the 'Autosport Guide' to race circuits. Can someone lend Simon a copy?

(c) John Clarke 1996